“He’s a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I’m saying?”

So you have this friend and he’s a total catch. Not only is he an attractive fellow that every girl on the block wishes she could have by her side, but he has exquisite style, listens to quality music, takes you to see indie films…he has good taste in just about everything. And he’s yours…well, sort of. The two of you hang out so much that you start fantasizing about being in a relationship because that’s the only possible outcome for this scenario, right? Wrong. Somehow, you mix up all of the signals you think he’s been giving you with the most obvious one: HE’S GAY. No way, you say, getting all defensive like Cher in “Clueless”. The only closet you’ve seen him come out of is your walk-in. At first, no one else suspected this game-changer either, but you got so caught up in the idea of the two of you together that you denied all of the indicators. After all, you drew attention to your mouth with red lipstick, you attempted to bake cookies for him in the oven, and you wore that slightly revealing Calvin Klein dress to show a little skin…and he hardly noticed at all. You don’t get it, why isn’t he into you? You’re totally buggin’, but that’s when Murray and Dionne step in, and being the good friends that they are, they lay out all the facts about your dreamboat that are simply too accurate to ignore. “He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress.” While this seems like the worst possible friend zone to be in, at least you know you’re not being rejected because he’s not into you– he just doesn’t want the V! Besides, if he dresses better than you do, what would you bring to the relationship?

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