Jake Ryan: The man, the myth, the legend

It’s not every day that you wake up and your whole family forgets your birthday, the geek who’s obsessed with you backs off, and the senior you’ve been pining over finally notices you. (Yeah, YOU!) Most of our sweet sixteens were nothing like Samantha Baker’s in “Sixteen Candles”, but that doesn’t mean we’ve never had an out-of-your-league crush like Jake Ryan. So how does one go about getting a babe like that to acknowledge their existence? I would certainly hope that it wouldn’t have to commence as a result of him reading a note containing a sex quiz that you accidentally dropped during study hall, revealing that if you could “do it” with anyone, it would be him.

I have yet to snag a Jake Ryan myself, but I have managed to become acquainted with them over the years so I’ll share one of my tricks. Now let’s say you both have College Writing together, but you never actually speak to each other. Do yourself a favor and friend request him on Facebook, as well as the entire class if you feel so inclined. Next, make him aware of your presence by answering questions during class. (But not too many, no one likes the obnoxious know-it-all.) The following step is where you have to willingly take a risk- message him and ask if you can borrow his book for the class. (In my case, I usually legitimately need to borrow books for homework assignments.) Not only does this strike up a conversation between the two of you, but it is the easiest and most subtle way to exchange contact information.

From there, maybe you’ll actually start communicating outside of the classroom about things beyond what goes on in the classroom. He might ring you up late at night, asking if it is possible for whoever answers to tell him if you are there and if so, sir, may he converse with you briefly.

Of course, there is always the possibility that none of this will lead to anything, but maybe you’ll become friends like Samantha and Farmer Ted. Or perhaps Jake Ryan will show up at your sister’s wedding the next day, drive you home in his red Ferrari, and you’ll both sit on top of a table over a cake and blow out your birthday candles.


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