“What’s your damage, Heather?”

Your friends are driving you crazy. Actually, they’re making you so mad that you want to kill them. Not in the brain blowing, acid gagging, murderous kind of way, but if for some odd reason they didn’t come to school the next day and their suicide note was all the buzz, you wouldn’t bat an eye. As teenagers, we love to hate and hate to love our friends. And in high school, we put up with a lot of bullshit for the sake of fitting in whether our cliques were at the top or the bottom of the chain. But if you find that your views, interests and morals are drastically different from your circle of friends, don’t wait for the attractively rebellious but psychotic new guy to swoop in and save you from your teenage misery like Veronica Sawyer in “Heather’s”. Do something about it and stand up for yourself!

My whole life, I have always been a “floater”. This title is not to be confused with a loner because floaters tend to flock with other floaters, but rarely land with the same pack. (“If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn how to fly.”) Now if I ever had any issues with my friends, I never hesitated to tell them how I felt because I trusted them wholeheartedly. If you can’t be honest with your friends, you’re in serious danger and your friendship is basically damaged goods.

Rule of thumb: NEVER DISCUSS ANY PROBLEMS VIA TEXTING. Seeing as to how tone is easily misinterpreted, I insist that you approach the problem directly with the source of the problem. Invite your pal to meet up somewhere, choose a comfortable place to sit down, and discuss your current tiff over a cup of tea. Doing things face-to-face is nerve-racking, but it is the most civilized way to deal with the matter. It is always better to officially resolve things in person.

However, a person can only invest so much of themselves into a friendship. If you feel like you’re being neglected, you have to know that you’re putting in more than enough effort, be done with it and let it go. Friends who have always been there for you like Betty Finn should never be forgotten or taken for granted. One-sided friendships never ever work. I have had to drop more friends than I want to admit as the years have passed, but I find comfort in knowing that some friendships aren’t meant to last forever. You have your childhood friends, family friends, high school friends, hometown friends, college friends, lifetime friends and friends of friends. You should surround yourself with people who accept you entirely. If your “friends” can’t do that, they’re not worth your time, and evidently, you don’t really matter to them. Never settle as an option- aim to be a priority in someone’s life.

If you wait too long, you’ll wind up being dragged to a college frat party you never wanted to be at in the first place and Heather will ditch your ass so she can hook up with an upperclassman, meanwhile you’ll be harassed by his ugly friend, and then you’ll end the night yakking on Heather’s shoes in the backyard and defiantly telling her to, “Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.”

After all, it’s one thing to want someone out of your life, but it’s another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.


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