“Do you like me like you like a pot roast?” Boys will always be freaks and geeks.

We’ve all been in Lindsay Weir’s shoes before, crushing on good for nothing guys with no future but dreamy good looks like Daniel Desario. You’re not alone in making the mistake of compromising your morals to impress Daniel with the hopes that he thinks you’re cool and maybe wants to makeout with you at your party, but later into the night you find him hooking up with Kim Kelly on your bed. Despite this, you still let him talk you into helping him cheat on his algebra test, and are willing to take the fall for it when the teacher finds out. But hey, it’s Daniel Desario. The consequences will be worth it once he realizes how loyal you are.

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Instead of obsesseing over the irresistible bad boy stoners like Daniel, our attention should really be on his down-to-earth best friend, Nick Schweiber…or so we think until he becomes so obsessive and clingy that you can’t breath. Sometimes, the nice guy can be too nice. Remember that time when he invited you down into his basement, sang “You’re My Lady”, and then held you? Yeah, I’m trying to erase that one too. While Lindsay didn’t have a clue, her brother, Sam, took the gentleman approach and patiently waited for Cindy Sanders to take a chance on him. The truth of the matter is that Lindsay Weir had brains, but only in the books. Her street smarts could’ve used some practice…

Why do the good girls always fall for the freaks instead of the geeks?

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Angela Davis did the same thing on My So-Called Life, pining over Jordan Catalano until he finally noticed her and wanted her back. (Still not sure how she really managed to score that one…) I mean, this is a guy who wrote a song that you thought was about you, but really turned out to be about his car. But there’s something about guys like him that is intoxicating.  You love Jordan Catalano so much, and talk about him so much, and think about him so much, it’s like he lives inside of you. Like he’s taken possession of your soul. You want to make it real, but when you do, it’s not the same. He’s not yours anymore. You want the fantasy more than you want him. But hey, if he wants you back, you’ll be more than happy to settle for both. Or maybe you’ll just move on and get over him.

Meanwhile, Brian Krakow will admire you from afar, his fro growing with each passing day that he must wait for you to truly see him.

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I am guilty of committing Lindsay Weir and Angela Davis crimes. Multiple times already this semester, I went out of my way to attend events knowing that someone of interest would also be there. What ended up happening? They either bailed or I had a sucky time when they ignored me. I have pined over guys who I claimed to have no chance with, yet never confirmed this because I didn’t make any moves. I have also contemplated lowering my standards with the hopes of getting a little action here and there. But just because you like Daniel Desario doesn’t mean you should go make out with all his friends. Lesson learned! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about girl power and the whole “I heard you’re talking shit again, I’m gonna sleep with all your friends” revenge path, but two wrongs don’t make a right. And the Jordan Catalano’s of the world need to realize that hooking up with our Rayanne’s is the lowest of the low.

Girls need to find a happy medium. A guy who will treat you like a lady, wine and dine you now and then. A guy who’s intelligent, but doesn’t boast about it. A guy whose funny bone doesn’t come out of his ass.

Girls need a guy like Sam Weir.

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He may not wear combat boots, but the chances of a lover’s combat is slim to none.

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